I’ve said that there’s probably more in my head saying to my daughter “don’t smoke that killer weed, i’ll get you some nice mellow hash” than there is saying “I don’t like you smoking at all”.
I find that thinking back to how I behaved gives me a really good perspective. My wife still struggles a bit with that.
There is a slight complication in that there are mental health implications and so we worry about the strong weed and alcohol.
Kind of, I’d left home at 17 and mine are more than happy being around (my eldest and her bf live with us), the teen years were fairly calm but I guess comparison to my own chaotic existence at that age they would be so I didnt really stress too much.
Thank you for nice reply and some good insights 
“Something I think worth sharing is from when my son was born the thing that upset me the most was the thought that it was inevitable that one day he would feel the same about me as I did to my Dad.”
I can definitely relate.
Such a nice thread. Really touched to read up on all your experiences, insights and thoughts.
In my experience, teens today aren’t as rowdy and as risk taking as we were because they have so much more to occupy their time and are constantly connected online. They don’t know what it’s like to experience true boredom and coupled with a generation of more hyper aware parents who were way looser in their recreational pursuits, it makes for less desire to misbehave. I could be wrong - I’m only basing it on my kids and their friends. Yes, they have had incidents involving friends drinking at 15 etc etc but nothing like what I recall when I was growing up.
Times have changed. My mum used to water a weed plant my brother grew … blissfully unaware of it’s ‘variety’
A song lyric, by the way, that always makes me think and reflect on this actually very special topic.
Also remembering This Is England, Shaun, his mum, when he met the skins, being part of something, the sense and joy of belonging, not being bullied anymore for example, his mum even thanked Woody but then life brought him to Combo…
I thought the mother was always spot on, considering how difficult and challenging it was for them.
Yes, really interesting topic for many reasons, it’s about past, present and future.
My youngest daughter is mad into clobber and got me this Stussy ring for my birthday next month but couldn’t wait till then… she thought it was an alien face but I think it’s an 8ball…
)
I think that’s an 8 ball too
it does feel like a bot, but been on here since dec 6?
It was a bot I think. Who knows but if I deleted it and you’re not a bot tell us your favourite balearic record and all will be forgiven.
Got 2 boys who are 2 and 4 so a while off worrying about them being teenagers. What I am struggling with atm is them fighting as it’s pretty one sided due to the size difference. I know it’s perfectly normal but it’s still tough. I’m the younger sibling so I think it’s bringing stuff up from my childhood.
I think that’s the thing that isn’t talked about or in many of the parenting books is how becoming a parent can bring up a lot of emotions/trauma from your childhood that has probably been suppressed and shows itself by you over reacting to certain situations. Or just re evaluating how you raised, it’s just a big emotional rollercoaster!
I always say that from the moment they’re born, the stopwatch is running until the moment they first tell you to fuck off.
Not to boast, but my daughter was very advanced in this matter.
You always remember that milestone. Ahhhh.
PS by child four you learn not to take it personally
been diving into attachment theory and as a parent of a 10yo it’s amazing to me how many parenting situations/experiences i’m either trying to emulate or dissuade from my own childhood based on my (mostly healthy) relationship with my parents.
Ignore 99% of everything offered as advice about bringing up children. Your gut is the best guide. So much of the advice given is bs and is best ignored. Ignoring your child crying is some of the worst advice that’s been passed off as common wisdom in the last few decades.
And use your own family experience as a guide to how you want your children’s lives to be different.
I was 14 and drunk. Was picking myself up off the floor a few seconds later.
Yeah that- totally.
No one’s an expert
My wife read the book about ignoring their crying. Written by a woman that had never even had kids
Sadly indicative of most ‘experts’ these days. Zero experience.
Most of the ‘expert’ advice is basically teaching kids that if they show emotions, they’ll be ignored, or worse.
