Light Relief

Just in case no-one has ever seen this, and even if you have, it’s worth reading again after all these years.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Andy Whitby - The Biog

Andy Whitby is not just a hard house DJ, he is an experience.

He is a state of mind.

He is the transporter of minds and souls to an amazing frantic paradise that, while leaving you knackered, strangely also leaves you feeling re-invigorated.

At 6ft tall and broad-shouldered, with his trademark shaved head, a chunky ostentatious chain around his neck, and immaculate dress sense (if it’s not designer, it doesn’t go anywhere near him) he makes an imposing figure who commands respect.

His confident appearance is matched by his masterful control of a good mixing desk. Before each set he always powers down the previous track and leads the packed dance floor in a show of appreciation for the out-going DJ, before kick-starting his performance into a blaze of visuals, an orchestra of special effects which extracts every quality beat of each track as he begins his show.

To watch Andy DJ is part of the Whitby experience. Cocky? Perhaps, but certainly not arrogant, Whitby is now in control of the minds and bodies of his audience. A very precise and confident body language gives a visual indication to what he is playing as he acts out each track.

Yet, he is not dancing; this is something far more emotional. Imagine watching a porn star having hot, rough, yet passionate but dominating sex to a breathless, wailing lover which, in this case, comes in the shape of a mixing desk. Forceful, dominant, aggressive yet somehow tender and caring. The visual impact allows your body to further immerse itself in the ecstasy he is submitting you to; your ears alone cannot possibly absorb everything that he is throwing at you.

As for his sound, imagine every track as a partially completed canvas. Through the use of effects on the mixing desk, Andy adds his own colour, texture and feel as he maximises every beat of every track to create the unique Whitby sound. His precision mixing at incalculable speeds is part of the show; as each track mixes in you can positively feel the dance-floor going up a notch to keep up with the frantic and energetic DJ that has them all by the balls.

Andy’s blend of vocal uplifting bouncy house is like him: deliciously hard yet very accessible. And when Andy makes eye contact with you, even if only be for a second, you get to experience the ultimate unique sensation of him seeking your seal of approval. In that moment you have transcended being a mere audience member, into being part of what will almost certainly be the set of the night. The sheer euphoria you feel is exceptional.

And then at the end, breathless, skin tingling and with a grin on your face from ear to ear, you feel as though every drop of energy has been sucked right out of you, just like those few moments after one of the best orgasms of your life.

Accompanying Andy to a gig is quite an experience. He is literally mobbed upon his arrival and departure from each gig, with fans eager to speak to their idol, or have their photograph taken with him. Mobile phone-cum-digital cameras are designed for such occasions as his devotees put one arm around him and pose with their hero as the other arm acts as a remote-controlled tri-pod for the self-portrait.

Fortunately, Andy’s driver doubles up as proficient photographer for those not quite so adept at taking their own photos. Andy is always more than happy to oblige, which on one hand is good for the clubbers, but on the other a logistical nightmare for his driver when trying to get Whitby from club entrance to DJ decks for his set, then back again in a timely manner. And for the time he is performing, the space right in front of the DJ decks is hotly contested floor space.

Andy Whitby is the standard that so many more strive for. There are a plethora of CD compilations that he has mixed but listening to one of these is like trying to view a fine piece of art in a darkened room. You need to see him live to really appreciate the full and overwhelming experience that is The Saviour of Hard-Dance.

You can generally tell if a hard-house event is going to be credible and worth the money if you see Andy Whitby’s name heading the DJ line-up. It’s almost like seeing a quality assurance seal, royal crest or five star rating”.


I always read this bit in Alan Partridge’s voice





I just googled this guy to see if he was a real person and I’m really confused and fairly certain I’ve stepped in to a parallel universe that I don’t wish to spend a lot of time in :joy:. Context please for a confused American!


The whole thing should be read as Partridge :smile:

“Cocky? Perhaps, but certainly not arrogant, Whitby is now in control of the minds and bodies of his audience”


Might be more of a reflection on me but I read “part of the Whitby experience” and thought “fish, cups and a nice cup of tea”.


It was a bio released about 8 years ago on this chap - no idea who he is, but then his management company tried to pass it off as a joke, when it clearly wasn’t. As you say, it really is a parallel universe - the universe of hard house, chunky jewellery and quality assurance seals…

And don’t forget Dracula

Went on a boozy weekend away with some of my uni mates to Whitby (one of the boys auntie had a house there) & hadn’t told them about the Dracula thing. The absolute confusion on my mates faces when loads of goths walked into the pub was marvellous.

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this guy does seem a turbo charged bell end but hard house is undisputedly an interesting phenomenon, in my opinion. Even if you hate the music Trade is important in terms of Uk club culture. Hard House, UK hard trance and sub scenes like nu nrg were direct offspring of the Hi Nrg scene that nurtured the nascent proto House gay scenes in the UK, see Ian Levine etc


I felt that the hard dance / hard style scene sort of existed beyond fashion. A kind of heavy metal of the dance music world. But seeing the current fascination with REALLY banging music maybe we can hope to see Whitby at Dekmantel Selectors 2022.


yeah for all people joke, Trade’s type of gay-friendly hedonism was really the precursor to Berghain which, for better or worse, is probably the biggest club brand in the world just now.

Oh yeah, I’m not ripping ‘the scene’, rather the way this bio is written :smile:

Pre-acid house, my gay mates and I would go to different Clubs, I’d go to the Wag etc and they would go to Heaven and other smaller places in Soho or Vauxhall. It wasn’t until the likes of Shoom that we all went out together. Really was a game changer often overlooked. Then came Trade, Puscha etc…



Another one to be read as Partridge

Almost put this in tne Wrong Speeder thread, but it’s probably better off here…


I did this when Photek’s Hidden Camera came out. I was so confused.


Apparently Dominic Cummings is massively into OODA loops

Saw this somewhere else too, almost too good to be true but i guess it is. Loving the fact that someone bought three copies and is still sitting at home listening to it on the wrong speed.