Plus one on the importance of sleep. It’s different for everyone but I always get a bit distressed if I am tired. Even back in the day partying, as soon as the sun rose I needed to be in bed and slept all day.
Last year I visited my dying mother in the UK, naturally I found the whole thing upsetting. When I was in Devon I came across a field of shrooms and found the right time to have some. The experience was difficult and at times very upsetting, but it allowed me to to see the totality and naturalness of the whole situation. Very helpful, but I guess it could be risky.
A little update. Went to see a new therapist, and immediately she asked about sleep, exercise and diet which after this thread was incredibly calming. Also committed to a 30 minute walk every night and to cut down on sugar.
She also asked about what I do for myself outside of my family and work and I really didn’t have anything since I sold all my records. Going to the record shop was a form of therapy that I’m sure you can all attest to but collecting digitally just isn’t the same. So now it’s a quest to find something else.
I do really want to thank all of you for being so open and forthright in this thread. The wonders you’ve done for me I can’t even begin to thank you for.
Great stuff! I’d suggest some things to do for yourself, but it’s such a wide ranging topic and it’s different for everyone. Maybe write down a list of 5 things that you’ve always wanted to try and choose the one that really jumps out at you. It’s important at first to make them small and achievable things that don’t cost a lot of money. It can even be task based - something that you’ve been putting off fixing or cleaning etc - what you are looking for is something with a tangible, satisfying result.
Sugar is the devil, evil stuff - the Berberine will help you cut down on it. But it’s in almost everything so watch out.
I was chatting with Billy Graham, Ricky Hattons old trainer, on Friday on the canal about he manages his mental health now he’s retired, and he said exactly the same: diet, exercise & sleep.
The worst mental health period I had was 2010/11. I was off work for six months, in a really bad state. The week before I had a massive breakdown I did this gig with Matthew at some loft space in east London put on by Mudd. It should have been the dream gig but I could barely function or put a record on, my head was zapped.
So then the breakdown happens and as part of it I decide I can’t DJ any more - I tell everyone that’s me done and started selling off records. When I started therapy shortly after the therapist asked me what I do for myself and I said oh I used to dj and collect records but I’ve quit. She told me that’s just a symptom of your depression, and you’re removing a key bit of your identity (the record buying more than the DJing). She was so right and I started buying records again.
Sometimes I look at the 3k collection and think what’s the point of all this shit, but the point is it makes me happy for some reason and has been a part of my life for almost 40 years. So why not just enjoy it? So that’s what I do when I’m out digging etc. It’s my zone for me time, where I can switch off. So good for my mental health.
Have you thought about having a go at production or music making? There’s never been a better time to access lots of great free software, very therapeutic even if it’s only for your own personal amusement.
Great that you felt ok to post this. Here are some things that I find help generally with “mood stuff”:
Talk to people. Be open about good and bad days… talking about things really helps
Make a special extra effort to be with mates, call mates, make new mates (not easy but also not impossible ) goout of your comfort zone to pick up the phone and call.
exercise. I find exercise so boring but it works wonders… even if its just a walk outside. get into running, whatever works for you… if you can do something “organised” then it can help with meeting and talking to people.
I do NOT believe in laying off booze/treats… but i know a LOT of people will say that helps. Whatever works for you.
Get outside! Medical fact that we need to be under open skies to help with brain chemistry. getting some Lumens in makes a huge difference to mood.
try and sleep well. Set a new routine for sleep. apparantly the sleep experts say its all about getting up at the same time every day. try to go to sleep and get up at the same time every day. I have had periods when I couldn’t sleep easily - i just listen to a podcast with one ear in… boring. soon sleepy
go swimming in an outdoor pool. Amazing!
travel - move - with your friends, partners, kids… just go out for day. Start early and be back early. feel productive.
smile, laugh, cliche… but real.
read… if you can… or go see art, or film… always good to appreciate beauty in the World around us.
sometimes i find I am am unhappy when i SHOULD be happy and vice versa. We’re not simple creatures… hope you find some better times.
What an incredible thread. I’m fascinated by the stories and advice - an insight into what others have been through and your collective openness and caring nature.
I just thought I’d weigh in with some simple advice. The back pain. Whichever route you’ve gone with dealing with it - osteo/physio/chiro… I presume you’ve got some simple exercises to help with mobility and flexibility.
It’s so easy to just do them in the aftermath of a flare up, but it’s so important to keep them up long term or move on to more physical activities that incorporates similar movements and flexibility.
I’m fortunate in that my two preferred forms of exercise - running and cycling - both seem to be beneficial for my back pain. It’s like it doesn’t exist when I’m doing either (although back flexibility exercises have to be done additionally).
Both cycling and running have the added bonus of getting me outdoors and into the countryside, which is 100% my ‘happy place’.
Swimming and walking are my two main physical activities, along with a bit of yoga. I’ve tried running several times, but my knees are pretty gubbed (skateboard knees). I’m very blessed with some amazing walks on my doorstep now, including a 3 mile circuit down to my nearest beach and back, which I do every day.
Try and swim 3/4 times a week, usually after night shift. Sauna and steam room are the carrot.
i have a friend who went through some pretty dark addiction issues a long while back, and when looking for ways to come out the other side, he did was a lot of folks are alluding to in this thread - find or rekindle a thing you love and put yourself back into it. he always loved skating, and made that a daily focus.
i’d love to do the same thing (skating, not addiction), but the risk is so great - not necessarily the immediate risk of injury, but rather the risk of putting so much of your identity and life’s purpose into something that’s just one torn ligament from questioning your existence. i worry about him sometimes because he’ll once in a while allude to a literal “skate or die” mindset, and at our age, skating can be taken away from us so quickly.
i also have the skateboard knees and there’s nothing better than a good push around the park. i’d love to give up this dumb destructive behavior and become the old man hero of the local skatepark, but it seems much smarter to invest in something that i can grow (really) old with.
yay for aging. let’s hope my hearing is the last thing to go.
I’ve always really struggled to sleep on Monday nights, used to always assume it was because I travelled for work so up at 5am Monday morning for a plane or train then sleeping in a hotel but when I stopped travelling I still had the same issue
Now go for an outdoor sauna every Monday night and made the world of difference
This is a post I wanted start so thank you so much for doing so. Perhaps we have some common ground and I do see you out there. I’ll try and post what happened to me on the mind side but it’s really difficult.
If it’s any help I did suffer terrible back issues around late the 30’s due to core strength issues and lack of flexibilty. The pain on occasions was the worst pain I have ever felt and I considered myself doomed and fit for the scrapheap. Doctors and one fairly hopeless oestopath treated me like I was seventy not forty, I was running and cycling and very fit.
Anyway the short story (for me) was basic stretching and core strength sorted it and I was peak fitness to cycle up Alp De Huez in under the hour (the shorter finish) on my 40th birthday. I hope some of the general advice on your back issues help.
Everything mental health on here is great, the stuff I have been able to do has improved things, thank you all.
As for me (David, I sometimes not sure if our real names are hidden on the avatar). My partner of nearly ten years left me with a shitty letter of hate one Sunday morning that really put a downer on that mornings haul. She went off to destroy herself with her online gaming addiction, up to £2000 a day and over £31,000 spent in three years a trend rising year on year to what could be close to £20k in 2024 if my spreadsheet and fears are true. I think just reading on this forum that this addiction was as damaging as any drug.
She never did show remorse or even that it was a problem. Her health went from top 20 in Parkrun and banging out 40 mile solo bike rides at more than 20mph average to not be able to walk up a hill without nearly colapsing. Her hair fell out, skin blotches, making stabbing actions and dark jokes towards me with our huge Japanese knife, where do I stop? I had no idea of finanicial drain of these games initially although I knew it more or less took her away from me instantly, any discussion or coming back from this was imposible.
We had next to no friends or any social activities for the last four years, Like a permanent Covid lockdown.
I have a weekly councilor, perhaps not very good but I have to plan my sessions, I am very grateful for this regardless.
That’s a good time up the Alpe d’Huez - even if it is the shorter finish ;o)
Hope things get back to a healthy place for you mentally, that’s a tough experience to bear. Perhaps get out on the bike again. Does me the world of good for my mental health.
As we’re talking about mental health, I always found the comedown from proper MDMA much more tolerable than a hangover from booze. Booze gives me the “metaphysical” hangover and takes me to a very dark place indeed. We are serious about our wine but don’t over-imbibe unless it’s a celebration or something…
I don’t mind an MDMA comedown tbh, especially now that it’s a rare treat to do it in the first place. Alcohol on the other hand can be chronic, even after just a few beers.
) goout of your comfort zone to pick up the phone and call.