Tiesco. 
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I would just like to drop in to say that I thought all the possible puns had been exhausted, and that this thread deserved to die a quiet and lonely death, but you have come in at the end with an absolute BANGER
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hear here…
Great thread!
Thought I would throw in my worst gig experiences (long time listener first time caller)…
I had a few residencies in some famous mayfair members clubs, saw loads of stuff and had a couple of bad gigs. Highlights where:
- Famous british actor coming up to the booth to tell me to turn the music off. This was 1 hour into my set.
- 2 very famous current football pundits (both pissed/chang) telling me the music i was playing was ‘fucking shit’ and play some beatles/eagles. Saying they where gonna come behind the decks and sort me out
- A couple of times a month I would play all vinyl sets in these members clubs, chugging my records on the tube to central London, cleaning my records after playing them, putting the sleeve on show whilst the vinyl is playing…but realised noone gave a shit, so much so that some woman asked me if I had any justin bieber.
The worst residency I had was at sky garden , the money was decent for the 3 hours but they put the dj booth in the middle of the dance floor/bar area so anyone can just walk up the decks/behind me etc. I had all sorts, ‘where are the toilets’, 'why are you playing this kind of music, noone is dancing ', ‘can i plug my iphone in’ - 1 guy even called the manager over to complain about the music ha
Surprised they kept asking me back tbf
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You know it doesn’t get any more House than that, Dom.
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Should of stayed in his House. 100% House music right there
and no doubt that performance has secured him a lucrative summer gig at Ibiza Rocks
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Vauxhall. Sunday morning. Under the arches . Tripping. Someone let of a CS gas canister and had a gun. Police . Going through my record bag asking if there were drugs in there. Getting the sleeves out. 1 by 1. They got bored. Thankfully. Phew
pissing myself… sorry to laugh at your misfortune 
I’ve got one from Saturday night. Still processing it. Did think of this thread whilst in the midst of it, it didn’t help, though i did wonder about a Worst. Gig. Ever. Live stream😂
Comin’ up…
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Finally, a friend invited me to play a set at a party in a studio in Walthamstow.
I could manage to do the 4am set as at the time I was working at a Mayfair members club and my boss of course couldn’t let me go earlier.
I prepared a bag full of records and some USBs, meticulously chosen and organised to make sure I make an amazing impression as a DJ.
I brought everything to work and my manager kindly, safely stored the records bag in the spirit cellar that only he had access to and that he would lend it back to me before he leave.
He got really busy as usual, and at about 3:00 I run to get my bag, but I can find my manager, I called him and the guy was already at home sleeping like a baby.
He came back, apologised and hand me the bag, I run to Walthamstow, walked 30 minutes from the station, arrived at around 5am, almost everyone left, only a few people high as kites were there, by 6am was empty.
At least I had a good selection 
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A couple of months ago during a lovely gig at a local taproom I was asked by a friend of a friend if I’d put our new soundsystem into a another local venue for his and his wife’s leaving party. They were emigrating. It also coincided with the sad closure of said venue due to redevelopment and so gave an opportunity to play it one last time. A donation toward the soundsystem was mentioned and a free reign on the music played. We are a small collective of collectors and DJ’s, sharing a love of the deeper side of disco, house, balearic and and electronica. Mostly doing it for the love but two of us have recently invested in a compact Funktion One system.
From that first approach I didn’t get any further info about the night until 11 o’clock on Saturday morning. No problem, I’d anticipated it was going ahead and had even borrowed an extra bassbin as well as some pretty special pre-production F1201 mid tops from work on Friday. It turns out that the host has invited the DJ from their wedding to play an hour and a half. Her name was so and so and she’d need CDJs. Fortunately my playing partner, Jez has a set so again, not a big problem. He was bringing the decks and mixer anyway. Also they were now going to be having a buffet from 8 oclock for £10 each, I was to play some nice vibes whilst everyone ate and mingled. Ok then. Oh, and there’s no money available.
Got to venue to setup just after 6pm. Lugged all the kit upstairs to find there’d been a mix up between me bringing 1201s and Jez bringing 1210s. So off I go home again to collect the decks. Plus isolater feet as we are now playing on a stage.
Back to the venue and go to connect the monitor. Turns out his mixer only has a 1/4 Jack out for the booth. Back home again to find a suitable lead.
Finally got setup and playing records by 7:50pm. The venue vibe is kind of new age, gentle hippy vibes. Vegan buffet of I guess Indian, fusion flavours, I’m guessing as I wasn’t going to pay a tenner to confirm that. If my set was a compilation it would be called ‘Deep Buffet Vol 2’ or ‘Shades of Beige’. Lots of tablas, dubby bass and stirring strings. Saphileum Good Morning Tapes, GiGi Illuminated Audio, Ozo as well as lots off the new Crushing Glow comp.
All at a low level but creating a nice vibe that was gradually picking up to the start of the evening proper. Around 9:15 I’d put on the Villalobos mix of Billy Cobham’s Stratus. A long slowly building piece that I thought would move things on a bit. As it was nearing it’s end I was joined onstage by the Wedding DJ who introduced herself and began asking about the CDJs (on stands perfectly placed above each of the turntables). I said that I didn’t know about them as I never use them. ‘Are they linked?’ Oh I’m sure they are says I. She then all but barged me out of the way and has now assumed the position behind the decks. Her sequined cape now draped all over my cued up record with Stratus running out fast. ‘Sorry. could I just get to this…’ She’s now got her headphones plugged in as I manage to bring the next tune in. Totally distracted now, I scan the room for Jez who’s at the bar. I get to him and say 'the Wedding DJ has arrived and is making a nuisance of herself behind the decks’. We look up and anyone would swear she had taken full control. We go back over and arrive just as her sequinned sleeve swipes the stylus from my playing record. Without a word I put the record back in my box. And go to leave the stage. '‘I’m not playing yet!’ she says. ‘Well you certainly made it look like you were!’ says I. Exit stage left.
I wandered around the floor in a daze for a minute or so before realising that I just had to leave. So, back home for a third time that evening. I felt totally stressed with a huge knot in my stomach. Halfway between a migraine and feeling completely sick. What the FCK just happened?
So I had a cup of tea, did a bit of work to take my mind off it and tried to bide my time before being able to go back at 1am to take my kit out.
I lasted til about 12:15 then just went out driving around town, out in the countryside completely lost. Afraid to go back but wanting to get it over with asap. I felt exhausted.
Turning up at the venue at 12:50, I found the stage was shared by Jez and the Wedding DJ. I went and sat at the bar as Jez put on Hang Together by Odyssey as the last record. Halfway through, you guessed it, a sequined sleeve brutally swiped the needle from the record bringing an end to the whole sorry saga.
Before the tonearm had stopped swinging I was up and turning off the amps. A second later I was lifting 25kg boxes off their stands. Cables went un-coiled - just chuck em in the bag and sort em out later.
Thankfully a few young lads offered to help load the van with the bins etc so it was a quick get out. But honestly, as worst gigs go this was a belter. And I’ve had a few ha ha.
I realise there is a lot to unpick here. Not least why some female DJs often come with the ott attitude which whilst understandable in such a male dominated sphere, is also really unnecessary particularly in the situation we were in. That’s clumsy but I hope you know what I mean.
I’m just particularly sad that I missed the last opportunity to play some of my favourite records at a venue I’ve enjoyed over the last several years. That’s what actually bothers me most.
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No money + friends’ gig is always a bad idea in my experience. Sorry to hear about yours.
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I’ve just had a message to say that there is some cash coming our way. I’ve edited my post a little to reflect that. But honestly that was the least of the problems 
But yes, I think you may be right. 
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Woah unless it’s a mates wedding then I would never do a free hire out despite the free buffet! So much work and the risk of other djs breaking your gear
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wedding dj’s are so often a totally different breed.
i’ve met some really good ones but more often than not it’s awkwardsville. i won’t dj weddings, and after this long, people know not to ask.
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I played a gay wedding out here a few months back and it was magical. A room full of New England gays who apparently had never heard much disco before but found their true love as the night progressed and from what I could tell, the pills kicked in. Was pretty decent.
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