Hope Ian D doesn’t mind me sharing that again if he’s lurking! I used to sometimes save classic posts off forums and luckily I still had it. Too good not to include on this thread. Genuinely one of the funniest (if not most gruesome!) things I’ve ever read.
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Fucking hell. I’d be breaking out into a cold sweat every time memory of that trickled it’s way forward.
I had a few stories but after reading these it’s quite clear that some of you were doing the equivalent of storming Normandy in the acid house wars and I was sending telegrams from a thousand miles away.
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jesus
Come on, there must be loads more tales of woe.
Not so much traumatic but definitely weird - I was asked to DJ at the launch of a Sky TV channel at a time when I was doing quite a few corporate gigs for reasonable cash. Jolie Richardson was there along with lots of Sky executives in suits and the standard gaggle of young and posh coked up TV producer types. I think it was at some art gallery in Kensington.
Myself and a quite well known (at the time) record producer were being paid hundreds of pounds just to play background music basically. It was great, I did two hours of chill out Balearic stuff and all was going well. Imagine a polite cocktail party vibe.
My co-DJ had other ideas though and after way too much bugle and an MDMA bomb he decided it would be a great idea to suddenly play, bizarrely, Flesh by A Split Second really, really loudly. Everyone stopped chatting and looked at the DJ booth on stage at my mate, hands in the air, sweating like Jimmy Savile in a morgue, chops gurning. I will always remember the look on Jolie Richardson’s face - total bemusement.
He then proceeded to play a succession of banging Balearic classics, completely clearing the room and killing the whole launch party dead. The people who hired us were really pissed off and threatening not to pay, asking him to put something else on, all to no avail.
At the time he was a pretty successful music industry type with loads of money and no fucks to give. Quite impressive in a way but also the whole thing was really uncomfortable. I think that was the last corporate gig I ever did.
He lives in the Balearic Islands now and is married to an ex model.
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Hahah. Who is it???
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My lips are sealed (I’ve messaged you 
)
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ok - def told this story before but if you’ve heard it, don’t stop me - i want to hear it again.
i was doing a retro night in a club with a proper old-fashioned DJ booth - elevated by about 12" off the floor, half-separating the lounge area and the dancefloor. the decks stuck out at a 45 degree angle, looking towards the dancefloor, and since it was an 80’s club were surrounded by a mirrored glass enclosure. good angle, you could see everyone who was coming and going, and you could see the dancefloor at all almost all angles.
it was busy, probably right around midnight and while i don’t remember what i was playing, i had another queued up and was turned around to flip through my records. all of a sudden i heard the unmistakable sound of broken glass, a loud crash and the stylus playing the center label of my record at full volume. i turned back to the decks, which were covered in shattered glass.
i quickly started the other record up and ran out of the booth, sure that someone had thrown a bottle at me. i was full-on aggro, ready to kick the shit out of whoever would do such a thing - and i saw a little scattering of people in the crowd, running towards the restrooms. i pushed and shoved my way through, full bore.
it was a group of about four or five girls, and i barged my way into their bathroom yelling and demanding to find out who threw what at me. what i found was a younger girl just covered in blood (some serious ‘carrie’ vibes) with a pretty intense head wound. apparently, she had been running past the booth and had gone full speed into the section where the decks stuck out from the wall.
she had smacked it with such force that she broke through three layers of glass - i have no idea how she stayed conscious. we got some clean towels for her and called an ambulance.
i had to run back to the booth and again, switch mental gears from panic to vengeance to workmode and finish out the night.
found a photo of me in that booth - you’ll note that the surround by the right turntable is replaced but unpainted.
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Just spent the last hour reading this thread. Top quality entertainment, I’m actually sad there’s no more ha
Was it the 33rpm or original version 
?
The slow version 
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Haha. A few more, not horrendous but amusing. Get asked to play Melting Pot at new year in Glasgow. Totally hyped. They ask me to come in a few days before to get a feel for the Urei cos I’ve never used before. Floating Points is there also as Andy talks us through it. I’m very much a DJ who’s talent lies in picking records over mixing them. A great party is had. They ask me to play the last record, things have been quite philly disco but I try to play Seven Wonders Fleetwood Mac, Jellybean mix. I’m a bit euphoric and drunk since it’s new year, but queue it up at 33 and let it go and its the wrong speed, but I’m already chatting to everyone. I realise, but when I try to quickly fix it, I accidentally smash the tone arm and completely kill the vibe.
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Bloody people filming the DJ… no phones on the dancefloor!
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Looks like a vinyl-only set. Proper.
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DJ Food’s had a tough pandemic
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Ha that’s amazing. I’m popping to Asda later to ask for a spot
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Not just any DJ
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This is M&S Tech House.
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What’s with the wheels?