And me. Nothing positive came out of any of it, for anyone.
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This is so true, and I have only just realised it in the past couple of months. I grew up with an extremely domineering narcissistic mother and an emotionally absent father. It’s taken me until the age of 50 to realise some of the effects this has had on my personality, namely that everything I did had to be productive and for a purpose. It is so liberating to make or do stuff purely for the enjoyment of it!
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I believe we all need some kind of creative outlet but it’s usually beaten out of us by the time we leave school. Last summer I spent a few weeks with a guy dying of pancreatic cancer. He lived alone, no family up here and didn’t have a single visitor apart from me and the other care/healthcare professionals. The reason we were given his referral was because a neighbour was worried as he hadn’t been seen for weeks. He refused to go to hospital or go down any treatment routes and just wanted to die, at home, without any fuss.
His whole home was full of paintings, sketches and drawings. All over the walls, stacked in every bit of spare space, plastic bags full of sketches. All his own. Once he could no longer paint, he was ready to leave this mortal coil.
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I raised this with my Dad last weekend. How his whole ethos of “What are you doing??” that I grew up with, as in you weren’t allowed to just ‘be’ is now coming back to bite him. He can’t seem to accept that my demented mum sitting for four hours doing ‘nothing’ staring at a computer screen is actually giving him 4 hours respite from her Alzheimer’s disease symptoms.
It irritates him enormously that she’s not doing anything. It makes no sense and I’ve worked very hard to not place that same pressure on my children.
I guess it must be a generational thing, that everyone had to be doing something productive to prove their worth.
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Marina Hyde nailed it in her piece on the Beckhams
Some of us have always been Instagram and Facebook refuseniks, and never publicly posted pictures of our lives or families or any of it. But it’s not the norm, and billions of people have entirely forgivably got sucked into a world where they are the product, where they work for free for the tech lords, who successfully devalued the idea of privacy at the altar of their big lie: that “being connected” via their networks is far more important than privacy
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I have become someone who potters. And it’s the pottering life for me. I had Radiohead’s ‘Everything in its Right Place’ stuck in my head earlier, so I spent an hour or two recreating it. The moment when I got a pretty good approximation of the sound, and got the chord progression, was a little moment of joy. After, I wired up a new outside light at my parents house followed by a walk and chat with my old man and his dog. A very pleasant and meaningful day.
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I set out to learn a very complex guitar track a few months ago. I found a great lesson online, where the teacher breaks it down over an hour and a half.
I have put countless hours into recreating this track which first blew me (and everyone else) away in 1990.
I can now play it through, badly, but it’s given me so much joy to learn it and improve my technique. I don’t expect anyone beyond my long suffering family (I hear them all humming the melody from time to time 
) to ever hear it and that is just fine with me. As you said these things are their own reward.
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I’ve decided to learn a language as it is something that I feel I should probably do before I expire and have chosen Japanese. The corners of my brain that this has engaged over the past few months have made me realise that this is an extremely good thing to do for my mental health. It is also extremely pleasurable being able to now read some text (badly) and pick up basic meanings within songs, films and tv programs.
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I bought this record last year and in the sleeve was this printed on three A4 pages. Been meaning to post it.
THE HUMAN MANUAL
How to Stay Human in a World That Wants You to Be Code
RULE #1: YOU ARE NOT YOUR DATA
You’re not your followers. Not your search history. Not your bloody algorithm.
You’re messy, fragile, cosmic. You’re awkward silences and belly laughs. You’re everything a machine can’t predict.
No tech firm can measure your dreams. Stop trying to fit into their boxes.
RULE #2: KILL YOUR NOTIFICATIONS
Every ping is a nudge. Every buzz, a chain. They want your head on a spreadsheet.
Silence the noise. Let your thoughts breathe again. Read a book. Watch the sky. Be bored. It’s holy.
RULE #3: MAKE SOMETHING POINTLESS
Not for likes. Not for approval. Just because it feels right.
Doodle in the margins. Write a poem in biro. Record a weird noise and call it a song.
Make things that don’t make sense. Machines hate that.
RULE #4: DO THINGS THAT DON’T SCALE
Call someone. Sit with them. No agenda. No ‘networking’.
Write a letter. Make tea. Listen properly.
Human connection isn’t a business model-and that’s what makes it sacred.
RULE #5: TAKE WALKS WITH NO DESTINATION
No map. No phone. Just your feet and the open air.
Let your mind drift like fog over the Mersey. Wander with no intention. Or do. That’s fine too.
The soul doesn’t live in schedules.
RULE #6: REMEMBER THE OLD WAYS
Tape decks. Zines. Pub chats. Eye contact.
The old tech was clunky, slow, warm. It gave you space to feel.
Dust something off. Use it. Miss it properly.
RULE #7: DON’T BE PRODUCTIVE ALL THE TIME
You’re not a machine. You don’t need to ‘optimise your morning’. Rest is not lazy. It’s revolutionary.
Lie in. Daydream. Stare out the window like it’s a mission.
Let the robots work overtime. You’re allowed to breathe.
RULE #8: QUESTION THE SIMULATION
Deepfakes. Fake voices. Influencers that don’t bleed.
If it feels too clean, too shiny, too polished-it’s probably bollocks.
Touch wood. Smell rain. Talk to someone who doesn’t have a brand.
RULE #9: BE KIND, EVEN WHEN IT’S AWKWARD
Kindness isn’t ‘efficient’. It’s not flashy. It won’t trend.
Do it anyway.
Check in. Say sorry. Say thank you. Hold doors. Write nice things online, with no agenda.
It’s not cool. It’s just human.
RULE #10: STAY WILD
They want you manageable. Predictable. Neat little rows on a spreadsheet.
But you’re not here to tick boxes. You’re here to burn bright, scare algorithms, and break the pattern.
Swear too much. Laugh too loud. Be difficult.
Stay wild. Stay weird. Stay awake.
[END TRANSMISSION]
Pass it on. Leave a copy in the loos. Stick it to your fridge. Tattoo it on your mind.
Disclaimer: this manual was written by Artificial Intelligence
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Love that. Great tunes too!
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I would love to learn too. Did you take lessons or are you using some kind of app?
Hi Mario, I’m doing a few different things on a daily basis.
My main thing is comprehensible input and I am trying to watch 30 minutes of videos each day on this website. C. I. is basically like trying to emulate how children learn language by listening and recognising before speaking.
I’m also doing 1-2 lessons per day on Duolingo, but not getting sucked in to league tables and challenges etc. and am using Wanikani to begin learning kanji which is seeming very tricky.
I’ve just started weekly 30 minute C. I. lessons with a tutor on Italki. These are surprisingly inexpensive, about £7 for 30 minutes.
I’m currently running a collaborative art project between some of my students in the UK and a school in Tokyo, this is forcing me to practising speaking and writing, I seem to be picking up Hiragana and Katakana quite quickly. I’m back in Japan next in February 2027 leading an educational trip and am determined to be conversational by then. We’re hopefully going to meet up with the Japanese school. Running the project feels like it is giving me a window into interacting with Japanese people at a deeper level than as a tourist which is making me feel very good.
Hopefully this helps, well the first bit of my post!
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I’m not 40 yet but I’ve been having a very rough few years. Family business had to ask for bankruptcy protection in 2024, and I’m watching the whole process eat my dad up from the inside. It’s slow, and it brings the worst kind of surprises at all times. I’m very very very worried about his health (and consequently my mom’s), and it’s keeping me awake at night and eating me up as well.
Even though I got married last year and went on my dream trip to Japan, I still feel down and find it very hard to feel anything good. It feels wrong to me in this situation to even try to DJ or attend any kind of party or anything like that. I sort of decided to “retire” from it at the end of last year because the whole thing of posting on social media to get gigs and all that seems even more tiring and idiotic at this point.
Not to mention I feel ashamed of having fun when I feel like I should be doing more to help with the business. I still get some respite from just sitting and listening to music, but honestly it’s not been that great, and 2026 has started with more and more challenges. Worst thing about it is that so much is out of my (our) control. The feeling of impotence is really the worst.
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Ah man I am sorry to read this. Here’s hoping it all improves and know there’s a load of people wishing you well and hoping for the best for you all.
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I hear you about feeling that so much is out of your control. That feeling can be jarring, what I’d suggest is think of things that are in your control and make sure that those are positive. The natural reaction is always to try and solve issues or be there more for the things that are out of your hands but maybe the best thing your parents need is for you to be a distraction from the malaise and support them by being something that reminds them that the business issues are not the be all and end all. Don’t stop doing things you love, you need to think of your health as well. The guilt for having fun shouldn’t be there, you need respite, too.
I’m sorry your family is in this situation and hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Would echo focusing on what you can control. After living in a wonderful Colonies terrace property in a lovely community for nearly nine years, our landlord has decided to sell out of the blue. We are in no position to buy. Mrs J_C was devastated at the news and so was I, but after the initial shock I thought right, let’s meet this fucker head on.
Don’t have to like it, do have to crack on and try and find the opportunity. We’re now signed on leasing a lovely old place just off Leith Walk/Easter Rd with a wee bit of garden at the back for the Tom cat. Move on February 20th.
Worry is a fucker. If what you’re worried about never transpires you’ve already lived it in advance. If it does, you’ve gone through it twice.
Eckhart Tolle puts so much into perspective for me
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Yes. As they say, anxiety is living in the future, depression is living in the past. Try as best you can to live in the present.
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Thanks all for the messages, I will eventually answer them in more detail. This week has been particularly hard with work which is why I even wrote about it in the first place. But I’m trying to take it one day after the next.
My biggest hurdle is that I’ve always been a over-worrier about things, and the worst part is that as a creative person and a night owl, all that abstract scary nonsense shows up in my mind right as I’m about to go to bed, so I get very little rest. That’s the worst part, by far.
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do try and keep somewhat optimistic - there will be better days. i can’t promise they’ll all be better, but there will be a few good ones, and soon.
be kind to yourself, your heart is in the right place and your worry is based in love.
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Exactly this! Took me way too long to realise
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